Positives and Negatives.

So, today was a long, stressful day for me.

I'm still battling whatever bug this is; (Parents think mono, but who knows?)

And I spent all day with my dad running various errands around the city.

By about 4pm, I was just totally done with everything.

I was exhausted, and feeling awful.

But for every negative, there is a positive.

Like when I got home and this sweet face was waiting at the door saying, "Hi May-mee!"

Like a dinner with the whole family.

And like seeing pictures of this little one and feeling him kick at me through his mommy's tummy.

Emmett Lee Dunham
Due October 2011

For every negative, there's a positive.

Changes...

I can't really articulate now, but changes are coming.

And they're coming fast.

Stay tuned, friends!

5 Days in Chen Zhou, Forever in Our Hearts

I think I speak for the whole team when I say that I miss these sweet babies.

Take a look at how gorgeous and lovely they all are.

How could I not miss their smiling faces?

5 Reasons, Millions of Blessings

Okay, so if you don't like me being honest, close this post. Because I'm going to be and don't like mean comments.

For those brave readers, here we go...

So since I've been at home a LOT in the past few days (bronchitis will do that to a girl!) I've had some time to reflect, on lots of things. I've written some other posts, but I wasn't sure how to go about writing this one.

So I'll do it in the most basic way possible, and if ya don't like it or think I'm being mushy or whatever,

You Have Been Warned!!

Here we go:

Top 5 Reasons Out (out of MANY) That I Am Dating The Best Guy Ever!

5. He's so super cute. Dude. I'm serious. You have got to be blind if you can't see that!

4. He gladly took over all my blog and picture posting, as well as email forwarding while I was in China. And that was no small task!

3.  He still takes me on dates. For example, Rascal Flatts concert on Sunday. We look good together (If I do say so myself!)

2. He's supportive of me when all the crazy things that go on in life, even when I just need someone to vent to.

1. He loves Jesus, and because of that, he is able to be patient with me (and my family) and lead in the way a real man does. And I so very much appreciate it.

So, bf, because I know you'll be reading this, thank you for everything! And a fantastic 6+ months! You are awesome!

Who holds them?

If this post has a time a date stamp, check it and see that it's about 2am, and here I am, sitting in bed, writing.

With my mind, my body, and my tummy still on Beijing time.

So, in the interest of not consuming half a box of Trix cereal at this time of night (morning?) I grabbed a water bottle and headed back to bed with my computer as company.

And decided to take a stab at writing about something that has been rolling around in my head since my first night home.

And since we are coming up on the exact (to the hour!) anniversary of being home for a week, I'll go ahead and attempt to verbalize (or blog) it out.

I got home last Friday night at about 2 or 2:30. To hear about that, click here.

After present giving, we were all in bed by 2:45 or 3. Only to be awoken by tornado sirens just before 4.

Welcome back to the Midwest, right?

Cue the family moving downstairs with blankets and pillows in tow.

Not surprisingly, I couldn't sleep. (noticing a pattern?)

I just laid there and thought back to when a was younger and a similar type of storm would make its appearance.

When I was little, if I got scared from a storm, I could always run to my parents bed and wiggle my way into the middle and feel safe and secure enough to fall back into a deep sleep.

If not that, I could shift from my bed across the room to my big sisters.

And life would be all good.

As I laid on the floor of the basement a week ago (really, after sleeping on a Chinese bed for 2 weeks I think I could sleep anywhere!), I started thinking...

And started missing my sweet Jennie.

My sweet, snuggly, loving, beautiful baby girl from Chen Zhou.

Calculating the time difference, I knew she was probably being fed her evening bottle and being put in her crib for the night.

How was the weather in Chen Zhou? Was it storming there too?

And then this thought, the one that has been on my mind all week, came to me...

Who holds my Jennie in the storms?

Or really, any of the babies there?

Small children get scared by storms, that's just kid nature, but who holds them?

Who holds my sweet girl when the lightning strikes and the wind howls and the thunder crashes and she gets scared??

Sadly, the answer is, most likely, no one.

What does that teach my sweet girl about life? And about human nature?

And most importantly, about her Creator?

That at 11 months old, she has to take care of herself?

That no one has enough time for her?

She should never have to think either of those things; no child EVER should.

And it is absolutely heart breaking that 147 million children in the world have probably experienced feelings or thoughts similar to those above.

When we turn our backs to these children, what are we teaching them about the God we profess to love and follow?

Are we being His hands and feet?

Who holds them in the storms??

Shepherd's Field

3 out of 3, The final orphanage.

After an hour and a half on a bus, and a small detour, we made it to the last of our major trip destinations.

Shepherd's Field Children's Village, on the outskirts of Beijing.

Wow. What an amazing, beautiful place this was!

In contrast to the other 2 orphanages, SF has its own land and its own compound, on an industrial lot a little ways out of the city.

At Shepherd's Field we were greeted by Clay and Jewel. They moved to China a few years ago after losing their sons in a tragic accident.

They were able to give us a tour of the grounds and some history on the orphanage, as well as the Philip Hayden Foundation.

SF is unlike any other orphanage. It is not state-run, but rather by the staff, a load of volunteers, and donation money.

Social Welfare Institutes from all over China send some of their kids to SF for one of 2 main reasons:
1. It is closer to the city for better medical care.
2. The kids with more disabilities can get better help here.

They split us into groups and let us visit the kids.

The way it is set up, kids are divided into houses, complete with a kitchen and living room and bedrooms. The same set of nannies work with the same kids, creating a more family-like environment, which is SO valuable to the kids. (this helps them transition to home better when they get adopted).

Precious, precious children. I can not get over how beautiful they all were. All made in Christ's image, all happy to see visitors.

I spent some time with this little guy:
He has CP, like many of the kids in the homes.

While we couldn't get up and play, we were still able to communicate. Not sure what to do at first, I just sat next to him, said hello, and held his hand.

His face completely lit up. Touch is usually something the kids in these homes are craving, so I spent a while holding his hand, tickling him, and just being there.

It was heartbreaking, and it was beautiful.

Love is a universal language.

A view of SF grounds

The kids even have a playground!

SF provides a school for all the kids, ages 4-18.

The kids planted their own garden and take care of it themselves!

And I know no more than ever that its important to go and speak that to "the least of these"!

For more info on Shepherd's Field:
www.ChinaOrphans.org

Post China Funk.

I knew I'd feel it, but I thought it would come sooner.

The post-China emotional letdown.

I'm for sure feeling it today.

Its 9:15am and I have already been to the bank, the grocery store, and have done a load of laundry.

If you know me, you know I'm NOT a morning person, especially on my days off.

I guess getting up before 8am is what happens when you're so tired that you go to bed at 8pm the night before.

I still am exhausted but I can't sleep.

I knew I was feeling this whole "emotional letdown" thing for sure at the grocery store when I picked "Ni-Hao Kai-Lan" fruit snacks for the kids over the seemingly more obvious Disney Princess choice.

Or when I realized I wanted rice for lunch.

Or when I walked past the produce section, saw green beans sitting next to an eggplant, and all at once in my mind I was back in the Dumpling House in Chen Zhou, trying that combination of foods for the first time.

Or when I decided I wanted to eat my breakfast with chopsticks.

Or when I re-read this post and realize I sound like a crazy person!

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better,
but because I knew you.
I have been changed,
For Good..."

(Thanks, Wicked, for the lyrical inspiration to my mood!)

Meeting a Spicy Hunan Girl...

Please allow me the privilege to introduce you to a new friend of mine.

Her name is Isobel.

Full of attitude and energy, she is the definition of a Spicy Hunan Girl.

I only spent a few hours with her, but it was a life-changing couple of hours.

If you're in the medical field, I'm sure you've picked up some things about her by now.

The yellowed skin and eyes, the swollen belly...

My sweet Isobel is sick. Very, very sick. With a liver disease that leaves her with not much time left on Earth.

A liver disease that doesn't give her the chance to know the love of a forever family.

A liver disease that takes away her chances to experience all that life and love have to offer.

Words can not describe how it felt to hold this little girl, knowing that she doesn't have much time left until she goes to be with Jesus.

Isobel doesn't take kindly to strangers, according to the orphanage director.

But for some reason, she warmed up to me.

Enough to sit in my lap for a cuddle, and a chance for me to pray over her and her life; to pray that she passes with little suffering and lots of loving from her nannies.

To read more about Miss Isobel, click this link:

http://www.butterflych.org/isobel

Coming Home...

Home.. What a wonderful place.

I've been home 24 hours, and thanks to a jet lag induced haze, I'm still processing through everything.

Walking off the plane and past security to see Jenna and Josh waiting for me.

Josh crushing me with a hug.

Both siblings telling me how glad they were that I was home.

One last trip to the baggage claim.

Going out to the car and seeing my parents.

Hugs from both.

Mom crying because she was so happy I was home.

Riding in the car on seemingly quiet STL roads.

How if felt to pull into the driveway of my house.

Going inside and taking it all in.

Giving gifts and telling stories.

And then, finally, my own bed.

Which felt strange, after sleeping on the rocks that the Chinese call beds.

Sleeping until I was woken up to go downstairs and wait out a tornado.

Then finally, back to my room.

Waking up at 1pm.

Knowing that finally, I was home.

If home is where the heart is, then is my home in China as well?

It's All About the Climb

Guess who not only saw the Great Wall of China, but climbed to the highest point on our path?



it even says my name!!

This girl. And I have my badge to prove it.

That walk was exhausting, and the construction is not to American standards, but the view....wow! I am amazed by it still, and that was two days and several hours on the plane ago!

the ladies of Team Chenzhou who climbed the wall!

Yeah, we are awesome.

Its everyone’s birthday in Chen Zhou!

Yesterday afternoon, for the last few hours of the day, we got a cake from the same bakery and brought it to the kids and nannies. They then sang happy birthday in Chinese and English. It was so cute to hear their high pitched voices and their pronunciation of English words. I guess it was everybody’s birthday celebration yesterday. I almost preferred it that way, because then everyone could share in the excitement. 

I've never seen a child eat cake as fast as the kids at Chen Zhou. It was awesome how excited they were. Cake is a huge treat and luxury for them.

 And quite a change from the normal rice and vegetable mixture they eat every day. And we gave them juice along with it. They were so surprised that I thought their eyes might pop out of their heads!

 Now I get why mom used to love giving us gifts.  Its fun for us to see them having fun and enjoying it!

Hey there blog readers,

So sorry I've been slacking. I've just been trying to take in all that Chen Zhou has to show us, so I've been so emotionally involved with that that id sit down to my computer to write and I literally couldn’t think of anything to say. Not that there’s not stuff to tell you, its just hard to think about while trying to give the kiddos our full love and attention.

Currently our team is bouncing down the highway in a bus headed for the Changsha airport. Hour one of five down. 20% there. Super. (we are thinking positively, right?) by tonight we will be back in the capitol city. I cant believe we are down to the last little bit of the trip already. It has been so awesome and I am for sure going to miss it!

Highlight of the day so far: Chinese cappuccino from the bakery down the street. Yum. The Chinese know how to do coffee! Its strong and sweet, with no added sugar, low acidity, and at the perfect temperature. The bakery was like comfort, almost like going home, if only just for a few minutes. But it did make me miss Mokka a LOT.

It was a coffee filled day, thankfully. as soon as we got luggage, there was a Starbucks on the way out the door. It was SO nice. it was like going home for just a few more minutes. 

then we had dinner at Pizza Hut. Considering we have had a chinese food diet for the past 11 days, it tasted so good. now we are back to the hotel, and amazingly, im one of the few that can get internet. PTL for that!

Ok, this chick is tired. Bed!!

nannies are special people‏

at team meeting tonight, we, as a group talked about how amazing the nannies at the orphanage are.

They work 12 hour shifts.

They don't get days off.

They work with mostly handicapped children.

They get peed on, spit up on, and cried at by the kids.

but still they are there, day in and day out, with smiles and plenty of hugs and kisses for the babies.

And, this week, plenty of patience with us and all our questions about the kids (i.e. how old? what disablility? how did they get here? are they matched with a family? and so many more!)

They work hard, and in sometimes uncomfortable conditions, but still they do it.

And the best part is we can tell they just adore the children!

It got me to thinking about how different America's definition of a nanny and China's are so different.

American nannies:

1. work with few children.

2. get good pay and often benefits.

3. get days off.

4. get extra money to take the kids on field trips or out to eat.

Chinese nannies;

1. have a child to nanny ratio of about 5:1.

2. get paid probably decent, but since their pay is in yuan, it probably doesn;t go as far.

3. work 12 hour shifts every day and no days off.

4. have to make do with what they have, feed the kids similar cheaper food everyday, and rarely get to take the kids even outside.

As an American nanny, I realize how much I'm blessed by my job, and how much more i get handed to me every day in my job than they do in theirs. they are just awesome.

They are also beginning to trust us more with the kids, and often they notice if we have a special bond with a baby, so when they bring them into Room 513, they look around until they find that baby's special buddy.

I am completely overwhelmed by how awesome they are and can not wait to shower them with gifts on Monday!!

Here's a little cutie for you to see today:

20th birthday, chinese style‏

my cake, vanilla with cool whip icing and peach filling

the noodle bowl...tradition: the person with the birthday must eat a full noodle without breaking it to help with long life, then the others are served their bowls and do the same. The good news is that i ate a full one :)

the little baby i got to feed in the newborn room. born 4-30-2011, weighed about 5lbs... best part of the day :)

Butterfly House and the bullet train

It feels like weve been in an Inception (movie) like state. We go deeper and deeper into the country and farther away than ever.  The further we get the more people stare.  Its almost comical.  Today was our day at the Butterfly house, and it was amazing.  We all had to scrub in and wear aprons and shoe coverings so we kept as many germs our as possible.

The kids are amazing.  Lynn, the director from England was able to tell us about the babies and where they came from and how they had improved. Precious, precious children. There are only 13 in the home, and 5 are on the adoption list.  One gets picked up by her family next week, another within the next few months, and the others are still waiting.  Several of the babies there are terminally ill.  I can not even describe what it feels like to hold a sweet, innocent child like that and know that while they have the love of their nannies, they will never know what it is like to be loved by a mommy and daddy...im crying right now, just so you readers know.
When I can get on blogger at home, I will introduce you all to my sweet Isobel.  She is terminal, and unknown liver disease has taken over her, and her skin and beautiful big eyes are all yellowed...she's a feisty one though.  And I absolutely adore her....

ok, if I dont stop talking about her now I never will...

We also got to ride the bullet train today.  I was worried about getting sick, but thanks to Dramamine I was fine.  Once we got to the train station our guide went to get tickets for us. It took a long time, so long that the security called the police on staff over to talk to us,  with limited english and no passports for us, because the guide had them.  Thankfully, the guide walked up at that exact minute.  Scariest 5 minutes of my life...
The train only took about and hour and we are now here in beautiful chen zhou.  There's less smog and smells, as well as 2 big markets and a KFC all within 2 blocks of the hotel.  Its very nice. There is a computer in the room and thats what I'm typing on right now, so sorry no pics today but I promise when I get a chance they will be up for viewing!

okay, shower and sleep so I have energy for the kids tomorrow!

Hunan Facts:

 Changsha is the embroidery capital of the country. Its all done by hand and absolutely gorgeous.
The food is spicy!
The women here are said to have tempers, so they call them "Spicy Hunan Girls". I thought that was funny!

Beijing to Changsha!

Today we flew from Beijing to Changsha on a Chinese airline. Wow. They land hard. Thankful we had seatbelts! Another setback, most of the team's checked bags didn't get here. But mine did. PTL.

Today Christy and I were able to go get massages. Legit. They were cheap and so good. We figured we deserved it after the stress!!

Dinner was good, and I now REALLY like steamed bread!  The fried rice here is so different than home.  It comes in almost like a pancake form and is sweet.  But delicious!  Im attempting to take pictures of the food to show home.

The chaos of the road is mind boggling.  Motor bikes and cars drive on the sidewalks and it constantly crowded.

Christy and I figured out what it smells like here: mix one part lettuce, one part sewer, one part soy sauce, and one part cooking oil.  Makes for a very distinct China smell!

The smog is constant.  It's like a fog that wont ever clear.  And I think the team feels a little sick from it.  But just something to get used to!


Okay, well this girl needs a shower and some sleep!  We go to the Butterfly House tomorrow and I would like to have plenty of energy for the kids and for our bullet train ride after that (can anyone say Dramamine?)

"What I'm drinking..."

Chinese equivalent of diet coke. AND ITS COLD!!! Yay!!
we board in about 20 min so its about time to go use the bathroom (no squatty potty because they have western toilets!) Although Lori says that to the Chinese, western toilets are like their handicapped toilets. So funny!

Slient Tears 56% Through reflection:

Silent Tears by Kay Bratt. 56% of the way through reflection;

-Memorable quotes:

Santa is Sheng Dan Lao Ren “The Christmas old man” in Chinese

-information books liken china to an onion; the analogy describes the different layers of this country and how peeling each away reveals increasingly more of China’s true nature. The longer we are here, the more I understand.

-we’ve discovered that a smile goes a long way when you can’t communicate with words. Our eyes have been opened to a part of the world harboring some very needy people; they are real and not just pictures on television or in the mail.

-a family is a family no matter what continent you live on; all you need to survive is love and a lot of patience.

So I am 56% percent of the way through this book.  I had every intention of stopping at 50% and collecting my thoughts and reflecting as I am doing right now, but it’s just so good that I literally can’t. I’m typing at super speed right now in order to get through and get back to reading.

I am amazed by this book. Amazed, heartbroken, saddened, and so connected to the writer. From what I read, she seems to have a lot of similar personality traits to me. So I connect well.

The difference between the states and in the orphanage described is shocking. I was brought to tears when I read one part…without giving it all away because I’m hoping that with my recommendation you will pick it up and read it yourself.

This particular day at the orphanage, one baby was refusing to eat, because they were trying to switch her from milk to rice in one try. The baby girl obviously got frustrated and upset, and the particular ayi (nanny) was feeling extra impatient…

My mouth literally dropped as I read what happened next…the ayi picked up the little girl, took her over to the window, flung it open and dangled her out in open air threatening to drop her. Tears absolutely flooded my eyes. If that had happened in the states, the ayi would have been taken to court. But there, they could do nothing but sit back and watch.

I could tell story after story from the book, but I want you to read it yourself J  It just amazes me that the care that they get contrasts so sharply to here in the States. Americans, we are so very blessed. Even those of us who think we have it bad.

The care these kids are getting doesn’t sit well with this girl….

Okay, back to reading…but before I do, ill beg you for a third time to READ IT!!

Day 3, The Big Leap and then some!

Yum, airplane food...

Wow! What a crazy 24 plus hours it has been! I don't even know where to start!

Our team is feeling over all a little cranky, a little tired, and a LOT blessed to be where we are!

I guess after we left Vancouver would be the best place?

The plane for The Big Leap is huge! But strangely enough, didn't have a ton of overhead bin space.

Movies, Kindle, and Music really helped pass the time! I don't really think I ever got bored.

Ok, since I'm getting tired, here's the first few things I learned about China...

1. Chinese people do not believe in lines. Push, that's how you get where you're going!

2. I knew a lot of people used bikes to get around, but I didn't know they used them to this degree! (and with multiple people on at one time)

3. Cross the street at your own risk!

4. Soda without ice is something to get used to! And the lack of Diet soda of any kind is depressing!

5. You can bounce on the beds, but at risk of breaking a bone! (not really, chill.) Chinese like hard beds. So, that will take some getting used to.

6. Tim Horton's coffee shop is amazing. It was in the Vancouver airport, and Renee always tells me that if I ever get a chance, definitely get some. I was not disappointed!

7. The exchange rate of money is about 1 USD to every 6.5 CY. (lots).

okay, my brain is ceasing function for the next few hours. And I am so excited to dive into my hard bed and sleep!

Tired, excited, a little overwhelemed, but altogether doing well. Email my Gmail account if ya need to get ahold of me! I appreciate it!

Lost and Found Blessings...

We have a team of 12, and at an average of 4 bags/person, we had quite a load to carry! At check in this morning, the team came to a scary realization...

One of our bags was missing!

And no one had remembered seeing it since check in at STL airport.

Talk about stress! Usually a missing bag is no big deal, but when you're leaving to fly international in a few hours, and the bag is full of desperately needed medical supplies, it kinda puts damper on the morning. EARLY morning.

Cue a race to the Southwest lost and found.

I was kind of worried. Usually a bag would take a really long time to track, and my heart was breaking thinking of what the kids could miss out on.

The Lord provided again! (I'm not surprised!)

The bag was in the lost and found and Shannon was able to get it and get back to the team in plenty of time for our flight to Vancouver.

Praise the Lord, for He is good!

Oh, Canada

Hey hey hey from Canada!! I'm officially in a different country from my family and friends! And, this is probably the last post that I can post the link to Facebook, so please keep checking daily for updates! The ride was pretty smooth, and Vancouver is gorgeous!

At 1:55pm Vancouver time, we leave for CHINA! Wow!! Made it through customs (not as scary as I thought it would be!) and now I have a new stamp in my passport!

 The plane we are taking will hopefully be more comfortable sleep wise. We got about 3 1/2 hours last night  and none on the plane yet.

Also found out that Canada doesn't have any "native foods" for us to try. Besides maple syrup. And that's not lunch. So, I got the next best thing, Tim Horton's coffee shop Timbits, on recommendation of the family I nanny for. Yum. 

Sorry my thoughts are so scattered. My lack of sleep is coming through definitely! Probably no more posting until we get all settled in our hotel in China. We are supposed to be landing at 4pm China time. ON MONDAY!. I am so confused by the time change!

please be praying for a quick, smooth, and uneventful plane ride!

Bye bye from Vancouver!

San Francisco Play Day

I am so very glad that our team decided to have a day to "play" in San Francisco (hereafter referred to as SFO). With the fiasco last night, and the early flight out tomorrow morning (at the airport by 5am, anyone?) I am so glad we had a day to regroup and relax as a team.

I never realized what a cool city SFO was. I mean, I knew about the Golden Gate Bridge, and that there were cable cars and whatnot, but man, its a cool place! With beautiful weather too!

It also helps that we had an awesome tour guide, Bernard. He moved here from the Philippines a few years back and has driven the tour bus for about half of that time. 

He showed us everything. I mean, most everything. From Union Square, to Chinatown, and even the former "Red Light District". That was awkward. 

I loved Fisherman's Wharf. And the "painted ladies". (for those of us new to SFO that's the houses, painted in pastels to resemble ladies' makeup). It was all just so neat. So rich in culture and vibrant. 

We even drove down one street that was the dividing line between Chinatown and North Beach (Little Italy). It was all local shops. Bernard told us that was because there was some kind of city ordinance not allowing chain restaurants, just those cute, family owned places. 

I would have loved to spend more time in the city. I liked visiting, but this girl hopes to never live in one!

Feeling good, just a little tired! We fly out tomorrow morning!