3, San, Tres, Three

3 months. Already. It's been three months since we have come home from China.

3 months ago at this time all I wanted was my own bed and to snuggle my nephew.

Now, I'd give anything for a  rock hard  extra firm Chinese mattress and to snuggle our Chen Zhou babies.

Or more specifically, my sweet Jennie.

3: about the number of times each hour that I ask God to bring her her waiting family soon.

3: the number of times each second (well, almost) that I ask God to bring her family in contact with our team.

I'd do anything I could to meet them.

To tell them what I know about their daughter.

To tell them how she loves being tickled under the chin.

How she loves looking out the window.

How she snuggles close as you hold her, and smiles up the most gorgeous of all smiles.

To tell them to be ready for a big eater!

To tell them about her perfect fingers and toes.

To tell them how wonderfully perfect she is.

Another CZ  baby met her family yesterday. Remember Shannon's sweet Rosebud?

She's now the princess of her forever family, with three prince older brothers to watch over her.

Apparently there are several other babies from the Hunan province being adopted along with her.

I keep reading the blog, and hoping to see pictures of the other babies as well.

I wonder if my Jennie is still there, if her family has already come for her, or are there now.

I'm praying we find out!

The love for our Chen Zhou babies runs deep!

Won't you join us next year??

See this?

Look at this smiling face...

Do you see what I see?

I see the face of a sweet, gentle, beautiful little girl...

Months away from aging out of the adoption system in China...

Who has several families wanting to adopt her!!

Just in time.

The Lord's timing is sometimes scary,

But its SO worth it.

Sweet Miss June haunted mine (and other members of the team's) dreams when we got home.

What would happen to such a gentle soul if she ages out of the system.

I used to shudder at the thought. 

But now my heart is glad;

Because another precious child has found her forever family.

Want to be a small part in happy stories like this one?

Visiting Orphans is now taking applications for their Summer 2012 trip!

Won't you join us?

Some Things...

Some things will never cease to make my day.

Like getting to see this guy:

Like learning to do something new, or catching up on a favorite tv show.

Or...finding out that another precious Chen Zhou baby has a possible family!

Congratulations, sweet baby! And to your future forever family! (Whoever and wherever they may be!)

You are loved!

P.S. You are forgiven for peeing on me that one afternoon in the baby room ;)

Happy Birthday Jennie!

Yes, we had a pie and sang happy birthday to Jennie all the way here in the USA.

Maybe I'm wierd.

Or maybe I'm just missing my girl and this is some kind of therapy?

Yeah. I think that's it.

Thoughts of You...

Thoughts of you, and how you've changed me, fill my mind...

Okay, so this is a Barlow Girl, but it fits...

Today, my mind is filled with thoughts of my sweet Jennie.

It's officially her first birthday (Chenzhou time).

11 months ago, my family celebrated nephew's first birthday with, cake, many presents, and a huge party.

How will Jennie spend her birthday?

Most likely spending half the day lying on her back in her crib.

The other half in room 513.

That's not how a first birthday is supposed to be.

Everyone should be celebrating my sweet girl today...

Celebrating her sweet smile,

Celebrating her beautiful face,

Celebrating her kind nature.

Just...celebrating her...

Because she deserves it.

  Happy Birthday, Beautiful Girl...I'd give anything to be there with you today!

Mourning and Celebrating...

Remember our sweet, spunky Isobel?

One of the babies in the Butterfly House?

She's no longer an orphan.

She's now in the arms of her Forever Father and Creator.

Right now, I am mourning the loss of her on Earth along with Team Chenzhou and the staff of the Butterfly House.

But I am also celebrating.

I'm celebrating that she passed away surrounded by nannies loving her praying for her.

I'm celebrating that she is no longer in pain.

I'm celebrating all that she taught those she came in contact with about joy and beauty through pain.

And I'm most celebrating that she is in Jesus' arms as we speak.

Butterfly Blessings and Updates!

Life is busy these days! (whoever coined the term summer "vacation" obviously didn't have a job and a family and friends.)

Which is why it has taken me so long to post this.

Remember our sweet little butterflies?

Thankfully, the people who run the orphanage now sent out an update, and I get to pass it along to more readers!

For the full update, and news about what Alan and Lyn have been doing, click here!

Or here for my article on her... (shame on you for not reading it before!)

I'd like to focus in a little on one little special butterfly.

If you've been reading on here for a while, you will recognize her..

My sweet, precious, troublemaker Isobel...

An updated picture of her.

This is the update posted on their site about Isobel:

There are sad stories too of course. Isobel is tiring easily, and her belly is looking swollen. She has a failing liver, something you can clearly tell by the bright yellow colour of her skin.  She’s such a tiny girl – more the size of a 6 month old than an 18 month old. Yet the size of her personality is huge. She’s the little princess of Butterfly Home, and makes sure everyone remembers her. Lyn has put up bright coloured foam tiles to cheer up our temporary rooms, but Isobel feels certain this is only for her entertainment. She likes to peel off the tiles one by one – with a cheeky look at who-ever is watching her.  That’s what is so humbling about a place like Butterfly Home. Even in the sad stories, there are joyful moments. Isobel is experiencing life and she is loved. Her time might be short, but her life is still a miracle.


Man, I am so proud of this little girl! She's such a fighter!

Please join me and the rest of Team Chenzhou as we pray for the rest of her life, her heart, and her caregivers!

Beautiful Bumbo Babies!

This, my friends, is an absolutely BEAUTIFUL sight to see!

Sorry its small and blurry!

Not just because it's my sweet Jennie and her fellow Chen Zhou babies.

But because it's my sweet Jennie, in a Bumbo seat that was donated by some of our blog readers, so that she and the other babies can learn to sit up and develop their muscles.

My Jennie turns one in exactly 2 weeks.

And she's not sitting up yet, because of the lack of one on one care.

So this is a lovely site indeed!

Now do you get it?

5 Days in Chen Zhou, Forever in Our Hearts

I think I speak for the whole team when I say that I miss these sweet babies.

Take a look at how gorgeous and lovely they all are.

How could I not miss their smiling faces?

Who holds them?

If this post has a time a date stamp, check it and see that it's about 2am, and here I am, sitting in bed, writing.

With my mind, my body, and my tummy still on Beijing time.

So, in the interest of not consuming half a box of Trix cereal at this time of night (morning?) I grabbed a water bottle and headed back to bed with my computer as company.

And decided to take a stab at writing about something that has been rolling around in my head since my first night home.

And since we are coming up on the exact (to the hour!) anniversary of being home for a week, I'll go ahead and attempt to verbalize (or blog) it out.

I got home last Friday night at about 2 or 2:30. To hear about that, click here.

After present giving, we were all in bed by 2:45 or 3. Only to be awoken by tornado sirens just before 4.

Welcome back to the Midwest, right?

Cue the family moving downstairs with blankets and pillows in tow.

Not surprisingly, I couldn't sleep. (noticing a pattern?)

I just laid there and thought back to when a was younger and a similar type of storm would make its appearance.

When I was little, if I got scared from a storm, I could always run to my parents bed and wiggle my way into the middle and feel safe and secure enough to fall back into a deep sleep.

If not that, I could shift from my bed across the room to my big sisters.

And life would be all good.

As I laid on the floor of the basement a week ago (really, after sleeping on a Chinese bed for 2 weeks I think I could sleep anywhere!), I started thinking...

And started missing my sweet Jennie.

My sweet, snuggly, loving, beautiful baby girl from Chen Zhou.

Calculating the time difference, I knew she was probably being fed her evening bottle and being put in her crib for the night.

How was the weather in Chen Zhou? Was it storming there too?

And then this thought, the one that has been on my mind all week, came to me...

Who holds my Jennie in the storms?

Or really, any of the babies there?

Small children get scared by storms, that's just kid nature, but who holds them?

Who holds my sweet girl when the lightning strikes and the wind howls and the thunder crashes and she gets scared??

Sadly, the answer is, most likely, no one.

What does that teach my sweet girl about life? And about human nature?

And most importantly, about her Creator?

That at 11 months old, she has to take care of herself?

That no one has enough time for her?

She should never have to think either of those things; no child EVER should.

And it is absolutely heart breaking that 147 million children in the world have probably experienced feelings or thoughts similar to those above.

When we turn our backs to these children, what are we teaching them about the God we profess to love and follow?

Are we being His hands and feet?

Who holds them in the storms??

Shepherd's Field

3 out of 3, The final orphanage.

After an hour and a half on a bus, and a small detour, we made it to the last of our major trip destinations.

Shepherd's Field Children's Village, on the outskirts of Beijing.

Wow. What an amazing, beautiful place this was!

In contrast to the other 2 orphanages, SF has its own land and its own compound, on an industrial lot a little ways out of the city.

At Shepherd's Field we were greeted by Clay and Jewel. They moved to China a few years ago after losing their sons in a tragic accident.

They were able to give us a tour of the grounds and some history on the orphanage, as well as the Philip Hayden Foundation.

SF is unlike any other orphanage. It is not state-run, but rather by the staff, a load of volunteers, and donation money.

Social Welfare Institutes from all over China send some of their kids to SF for one of 2 main reasons:
1. It is closer to the city for better medical care.
2. The kids with more disabilities can get better help here.

They split us into groups and let us visit the kids.

The way it is set up, kids are divided into houses, complete with a kitchen and living room and bedrooms. The same set of nannies work with the same kids, creating a more family-like environment, which is SO valuable to the kids. (this helps them transition to home better when they get adopted).

Precious, precious children. I can not get over how beautiful they all were. All made in Christ's image, all happy to see visitors.

I spent some time with this little guy:
He has CP, like many of the kids in the homes.

While we couldn't get up and play, we were still able to communicate. Not sure what to do at first, I just sat next to him, said hello, and held his hand.

His face completely lit up. Touch is usually something the kids in these homes are craving, so I spent a while holding his hand, tickling him, and just being there.

It was heartbreaking, and it was beautiful.

Love is a universal language.

A view of SF grounds

The kids even have a playground!

SF provides a school for all the kids, ages 4-18.

The kids planted their own garden and take care of it themselves!

And I know no more than ever that its important to go and speak that to "the least of these"!

For more info on Shepherd's Field:
www.ChinaOrphans.org

Post China Funk.

I knew I'd feel it, but I thought it would come sooner.

The post-China emotional letdown.

I'm for sure feeling it today.

Its 9:15am and I have already been to the bank, the grocery store, and have done a load of laundry.

If you know me, you know I'm NOT a morning person, especially on my days off.

I guess getting up before 8am is what happens when you're so tired that you go to bed at 8pm the night before.

I still am exhausted but I can't sleep.

I knew I was feeling this whole "emotional letdown" thing for sure at the grocery store when I picked "Ni-Hao Kai-Lan" fruit snacks for the kids over the seemingly more obvious Disney Princess choice.

Or when I realized I wanted rice for lunch.

Or when I walked past the produce section, saw green beans sitting next to an eggplant, and all at once in my mind I was back in the Dumpling House in Chen Zhou, trying that combination of foods for the first time.

Or when I decided I wanted to eat my breakfast with chopsticks.

Or when I re-read this post and realize I sound like a crazy person!

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better,
but because I knew you.
I have been changed,
For Good..."

(Thanks, Wicked, for the lyrical inspiration to my mood!)

Meeting a Spicy Hunan Girl...

Please allow me the privilege to introduce you to a new friend of mine.

Her name is Isobel.

Full of attitude and energy, she is the definition of a Spicy Hunan Girl.

I only spent a few hours with her, but it was a life-changing couple of hours.

If you're in the medical field, I'm sure you've picked up some things about her by now.

The yellowed skin and eyes, the swollen belly...

My sweet Isobel is sick. Very, very sick. With a liver disease that leaves her with not much time left on Earth.

A liver disease that doesn't give her the chance to know the love of a forever family.

A liver disease that takes away her chances to experience all that life and love have to offer.

Words can not describe how it felt to hold this little girl, knowing that she doesn't have much time left until she goes to be with Jesus.

Isobel doesn't take kindly to strangers, according to the orphanage director.

But for some reason, she warmed up to me.

Enough to sit in my lap for a cuddle, and a chance for me to pray over her and her life; to pray that she passes with little suffering and lots of loving from her nannies.

To read more about Miss Isobel, click this link:

http://www.butterflych.org/isobel

Coming Home...

Home.. What a wonderful place.

I've been home 24 hours, and thanks to a jet lag induced haze, I'm still processing through everything.

Walking off the plane and past security to see Jenna and Josh waiting for me.

Josh crushing me with a hug.

Both siblings telling me how glad they were that I was home.

One last trip to the baggage claim.

Going out to the car and seeing my parents.

Hugs from both.

Mom crying because she was so happy I was home.

Riding in the car on seemingly quiet STL roads.

How if felt to pull into the driveway of my house.

Going inside and taking it all in.

Giving gifts and telling stories.

And then, finally, my own bed.

Which felt strange, after sleeping on the rocks that the Chinese call beds.

Sleeping until I was woken up to go downstairs and wait out a tornado.

Then finally, back to my room.

Waking up at 1pm.

Knowing that finally, I was home.

If home is where the heart is, then is my home in China as well?

It's All About the Climb

Guess who not only saw the Great Wall of China, but climbed to the highest point on our path?



it even says my name!!

This girl. And I have my badge to prove it.

That walk was exhausting, and the construction is not to American standards, but the view....wow! I am amazed by it still, and that was two days and several hours on the plane ago!

the ladies of Team Chenzhou who climbed the wall!

Yeah, we are awesome.

Its everyone’s birthday in Chen Zhou!

Yesterday afternoon, for the last few hours of the day, we got a cake from the same bakery and brought it to the kids and nannies. They then sang happy birthday in Chinese and English. It was so cute to hear their high pitched voices and their pronunciation of English words. I guess it was everybody’s birthday celebration yesterday. I almost preferred it that way, because then everyone could share in the excitement. 

I've never seen a child eat cake as fast as the kids at Chen Zhou. It was awesome how excited they were. Cake is a huge treat and luxury for them.

 And quite a change from the normal rice and vegetable mixture they eat every day. And we gave them juice along with it. They were so surprised that I thought their eyes might pop out of their heads!

 Now I get why mom used to love giving us gifts.  Its fun for us to see them having fun and enjoying it!

Hey there blog readers,

So sorry I've been slacking. I've just been trying to take in all that Chen Zhou has to show us, so I've been so emotionally involved with that that id sit down to my computer to write and I literally couldn’t think of anything to say. Not that there’s not stuff to tell you, its just hard to think about while trying to give the kiddos our full love and attention.

Currently our team is bouncing down the highway in a bus headed for the Changsha airport. Hour one of five down. 20% there. Super. (we are thinking positively, right?) by tonight we will be back in the capitol city. I cant believe we are down to the last little bit of the trip already. It has been so awesome and I am for sure going to miss it!

Highlight of the day so far: Chinese cappuccino from the bakery down the street. Yum. The Chinese know how to do coffee! Its strong and sweet, with no added sugar, low acidity, and at the perfect temperature. The bakery was like comfort, almost like going home, if only just for a few minutes. But it did make me miss Mokka a LOT.

It was a coffee filled day, thankfully. as soon as we got luggage, there was a Starbucks on the way out the door. It was SO nice. it was like going home for just a few more minutes. 

then we had dinner at Pizza Hut. Considering we have had a chinese food diet for the past 11 days, it tasted so good. now we are back to the hotel, and amazingly, im one of the few that can get internet. PTL for that!

Ok, this chick is tired. Bed!!

nannies are special people‏

at team meeting tonight, we, as a group talked about how amazing the nannies at the orphanage are.

They work 12 hour shifts.

They don't get days off.

They work with mostly handicapped children.

They get peed on, spit up on, and cried at by the kids.

but still they are there, day in and day out, with smiles and plenty of hugs and kisses for the babies.

And, this week, plenty of patience with us and all our questions about the kids (i.e. how old? what disablility? how did they get here? are they matched with a family? and so many more!)

They work hard, and in sometimes uncomfortable conditions, but still they do it.

And the best part is we can tell they just adore the children!

It got me to thinking about how different America's definition of a nanny and China's are so different.

American nannies:

1. work with few children.

2. get good pay and often benefits.

3. get days off.

4. get extra money to take the kids on field trips or out to eat.

Chinese nannies;

1. have a child to nanny ratio of about 5:1.

2. get paid probably decent, but since their pay is in yuan, it probably doesn;t go as far.

3. work 12 hour shifts every day and no days off.

4. have to make do with what they have, feed the kids similar cheaper food everyday, and rarely get to take the kids even outside.

As an American nanny, I realize how much I'm blessed by my job, and how much more i get handed to me every day in my job than they do in theirs. they are just awesome.

They are also beginning to trust us more with the kids, and often they notice if we have a special bond with a baby, so when they bring them into Room 513, they look around until they find that baby's special buddy.

I am completely overwhelmed by how awesome they are and can not wait to shower them with gifts on Monday!!

Here's a little cutie for you to see today:

20th birthday, chinese style‏

my cake, vanilla with cool whip icing and peach filling

the noodle bowl...tradition: the person with the birthday must eat a full noodle without breaking it to help with long life, then the others are served their bowls and do the same. The good news is that i ate a full one :)

the little baby i got to feed in the newborn room. born 4-30-2011, weighed about 5lbs... best part of the day :)

Butterfly House and the bullet train

It feels like weve been in an Inception (movie) like state. We go deeper and deeper into the country and farther away than ever.  The further we get the more people stare.  Its almost comical.  Today was our day at the Butterfly house, and it was amazing.  We all had to scrub in and wear aprons and shoe coverings so we kept as many germs our as possible.

The kids are amazing.  Lynn, the director from England was able to tell us about the babies and where they came from and how they had improved. Precious, precious children. There are only 13 in the home, and 5 are on the adoption list.  One gets picked up by her family next week, another within the next few months, and the others are still waiting.  Several of the babies there are terminally ill.  I can not even describe what it feels like to hold a sweet, innocent child like that and know that while they have the love of their nannies, they will never know what it is like to be loved by a mommy and daddy...im crying right now, just so you readers know.
When I can get on blogger at home, I will introduce you all to my sweet Isobel.  She is terminal, and unknown liver disease has taken over her, and her skin and beautiful big eyes are all yellowed...she's a feisty one though.  And I absolutely adore her....

ok, if I dont stop talking about her now I never will...

We also got to ride the bullet train today.  I was worried about getting sick, but thanks to Dramamine I was fine.  Once we got to the train station our guide went to get tickets for us. It took a long time, so long that the security called the police on staff over to talk to us,  with limited english and no passports for us, because the guide had them.  Thankfully, the guide walked up at that exact minute.  Scariest 5 minutes of my life...
The train only took about and hour and we are now here in beautiful chen zhou.  There's less smog and smells, as well as 2 big markets and a KFC all within 2 blocks of the hotel.  Its very nice. There is a computer in the room and thats what I'm typing on right now, so sorry no pics today but I promise when I get a chance they will be up for viewing!

okay, shower and sleep so I have energy for the kids tomorrow!